


the things you find when you look for yourself

by wordsareleftbehind (froggydarren)



Category: Glee RPF
Genre: Crisscolfer Week, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-23
Updated: 2013-10-23
Packaged: 2017-12-30 06:26:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,200
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1015263
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/froggydarren/pseuds/wordsareleftbehind
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>Ficlet written for CC week, day 2, theme <b>World Wide Web</b></i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	the things you find when you look for yourself

Chris wonders what he would've come up with if he had Googled his own name before _Glee_ happened. He can't stop the curiosity, even knowing that to do it now is a bad, bad, extremely bad, _what the hell are you thinking Colfer_ level of bad idea. He has done it before, in the early days, before everything exploded into his face and even then the slurs, insults and homophobic attacks were almost enough to send him packing back to Clovis. Or, to explore his other option which at the time had been a toss between New York and, ironically, San Francisco.

The irony is, of course, in the fact that running away there wouldn't be _away_ anymore. San Fran has become home as much as LA is, more so than Clovis ever was.

"There goes my running away plan," he mutters to himself as he fights the urge to keep scrolling through the Google results.

He's so focused on arguing with the voices in his head that yell at him like they're the angel and devil on his shoulder, that he doesn't notice the sound of the key turning in the lock, doesn't hear the footsteps in the hallway and then jumps when Darren's cheerful voice rings through the living room.

"What are you up to?" Darren asks and is already next to Chris, kicking off shoes as he presses himself against Chris' side.

Darren's body is warm, like a heat pad that's not burning up Chris' skin but that radiates just the right temperature that immediately calms him.

"Chris…" Darren says quietly when he glances at the laptop screen, "Baby, you didn't… did you?"

He's looking up at Chris with an anxious expression all over his face, fingers dug into Chris' thigh just strong enough to convey that he's worried.

"No, but…"

Chris is stumbling over his words, wondering how to explain his urge to _know_ , to see, to understand what other people say and think.

"You know you'd not find anything decent by just Googling your name, right?" Darren sits up suddenly and grabs the laptop, closing out of the search, "I mean, if you want to know what people think, you have to dig deeper than that," he begins typing and clicking too fast for Chris to follow, "You'll find the official and press crap when you look there."

"You say that like you've done this before," Chris can't help the smirk that tugs on the corner of his mouth, "Google yourself much, Dare?"

"Not anymore, I don't," Darren shrugs like it's no big deal, "I used to do more of it before Glee, when I was keeping an eye on the buzz around Starkid."

Chris nods, because it makes sense, of course it does, the group gathered a following online, so checking for what people were saying there was logical.

"So," he leans in so he can see the screen better, "Where _should_ I be looking for what people think, then?

Darren glances over to Chris again and nods, mostly to himself, when he sees that the tension in Chris' shoulders and the anxious look in his face have mellowed a little.

"Well," he starts and shuffles over a little so they both have a clear view of the screen, "There are the obvious," there's a tab with Twitter that comes to view as Darren moves his finger over the touchpad, "but to be honest, the mentions are usually a clusterfuck that you _really_ don't want to waste your time on."

"I haven't…" Chris pauses before the all too easy lie slips from his lips, "okay, I _have_ seen those on occasion," Darren's soft chuckle reaches his ears, "Alla checks them for me lately then sends me those that would be interesting to address."

"Yeah, it's easier to stomach when you get them filtered, that's for sure," Darren acknowledges, "Now, let's move on to things that don't need PR pre-approval," he turns back to the screen, "Well, as long as you know what you're doing."

With that, Darren clicks and scrolls through pages of comments, posts, _essays_ on everything and anything while he talks up a storm of a commentary about blocking and blacklisting and ways to avoid the bullshit and vicious hate that weaves its way through everything online and in life. Chris listens and nods occasionally, surprised still at how active and involved and well, chaotic, the internet communities are. He doesn't realize how time is ticking away and just how much of it they wasted on something as narcissistic as looking themselves up.

"Shit, it's dark," Darren breaks the stream of comments eventually, "We should… get food or something?"

"Yeah, food," Chris shakes his head to clear it from the amount of information that has taken over, "Do you want to order a pizza and I'll just…" he waves a hand towards the screen weakly.

"Oh hell, no, you're not going to do this without supervision," Darren rolls his eyes and clicks to an empty tab to find an online ordering service.

Chris groans and mutters that he's not five years old and _why did you even show me all this when I can't look at it by myself_. When Darren catches the content of the mumbling, he stops what he's doing and turns to Chris.

"Look," he takes a deep breath and Chris can see the sincerity in Darren's eyes, "It's not that I want to control this shit for you. I don't want to stop you from seeing anything you'd want to see. But I know you," he strokes his thumb over Chris' hand, "You'll get stuck on the negative, you'll go _looking_ for things that will eventually drag you down. It's not _all_ bad and that's what I want you to know."

"Dar…" Chris starts but Darren lifts his free hand and puts a finger over Chris' lips.

"I love you. And there are people out there," he nods towards the laptop, "who love you almost as much. I want to show you that. Will you let me, please?"

Silence washes over them while Chris fights the stubborn urge of ' _no, I'm a big boy, I'll do this on my own_ '. It doesn't take too long before he's nodding and a small smirk makes its way to his lips beneath Darren's finger. He pulls Darren's hand away and grins openly.

"Let's make a deal, though," he says, mischief shining in his eyes, "For every comment or post or whatever you show me, we'll look up one thing about you."

"Any one thing?" Darren laughs, "Because there are some things…"

Chris' mind flashes back to some definitely not PG rated pictures he had seen in the past and he nods eagerly, "Embarrassing or not, appropriate or not, parental control safe and not so much, any one thing. I kind of want to see the green shorts again," he watches as Darren's face turns bright red, "Unless you have them handy. But I don't think I'd see much of what's online then."

"There's a time and place for _that_ , Christopher," Darren attempts a scolding tone, but fails and both of them fail  fighting the laughter that bubbles up in their chests.


End file.
